Hopelessly Confused
by XxQuietSingerXx
Summary: James can get any girl he wants, and they fall for him head over heels. But what happens when a certain guy comes and changes this? Will he still be able to use his charm? Or will he end up being hopelessly confused? JAGAN SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

Full Summary: James can get any girl he wants, and they fall for him head over heels. But what happens when a certain _guy_ comes and changes this? Will he still be able to use his charm? Or will he end up being _hopelessly confused_?

**HEEY, I'M HERE WITH ANOTHER STORY ! I DID DELETE MY OTHER STORY, "LIFE AS WE KNOW IT" BECAUSE I COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE. BUT THIS STORY HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR A WHILE. IT IS A SLASH, SO DON'T GET OFFENDED ! SOO, HERE IS IT! HOPELESSLY CONFUSED, A JAGAN STORY , ENJOOY!**

**PS: LOGAN ISNT FRIENDS WITH CARLOS, KENDALL, AND/OR JAMES (YET, HEHEHE)**

James Diamond walked through the Palmwoods lobby with confidence, as always. James never had his head down, he would go around with his charming smile and woo over every girl he comes in contact with. And he loved it, but there was something missing, almost like a feeling, of some sort. However, he shook it off and continued to the pool area. There, he met up with his best friends, Kendall and Carlos, who were also with Jo and Camille, two other friends of theirs.

James sat down onto a chair and began his daily tanning session. He couldn't help overhearing his friends talk about a new guy coming to the Palmwoods. They were saying that this guy was going to be with them in Big Time Rush. James seemed pretty happy; he loved hanging out with new people, especially _the ladies_. He smiled to himself at that thought and began to get up to face his friends.

"So, who's the new guy?" James asked curiously. Kendall and Carlos looked at him weirdly, but answered him anyway.

"His names Logan Mitchell," Carlos replied. "He's going to be in the band with us! And, I hear he's from Minnesota, like us!" James laughed at his friends excitedness, he was always happy. James doesn't even think that Carlos has ever frowned.

As him and the others started talking, James noticed an awkward looking boy, scanning the pool area. James felt a sense of guilt for him. The poor guy doesn't know what he was doing. But he came walking over to me and the others with a questioning look.

"Hi, I'm Logan, would you know where I can find Kendall, Carlos and James?" Logan asked. Carlos shot up from his seat with a huge grin.

"That's us! I'm Carlos, that's Kendall," Carlos pointed to Kendall, "And that James." Carlos then trailed his hand to me and I gave Logan a friendly smile. Logan returned it and turned back to Carlos.

"So, when do we have to go to Rocque Records?" Logan asked.

"Oh, not for a while," Kendall spoke up. "He's bust with other things and said that we can have a few hours off. In the meantime, why don't we all go get a smoothie!"

"Sure, where can I get them?" Logan asked. James shook his head at the naïve boy.

"Theres a stand over by the entrance," James said, "here, I'll show you." I began to lead Logan to the smoothie stand. I gave my usual order, pink smootie, and turned to Logan to ask him what he wanted.

"Um, I'll try the pink one." He said with a smile. James returned the smile and ordered another pink smootie. When the cashier told then their total, James began to reach for his wallet, but Logan stopped him.

"No, its fine, I'll pay for it."

"Listen, it's ok, I have plenty of money."

"No, I feel bad, let me pay." Logan gave James a sad look and James couldn't refuse.

"Fine, but I owe you."

"You owe me nothing." Logan gave him a side smile and took the change. James returned the smile and thought to himself, _He seems like a cool guy_.


	2. Chapter 2

James and Logan walked back to the group of friends and Kendall waved them over. When they got there, Jo was on Kendall's lap and Camille was giving Logan flirty looks. James just smiled at the two mindless girls being all flirty and stuff. James was happy that they didn't go for him, for a few reasons. One, they were like his sisters, so it would be weird. Two, they basically hate his way on getting girls, and he wouldn't change it at all. And three, Jo is already dating Kendall and he and Camille already kissed, and it was extremely awkward.

Logan began to tell us stuff about him and his life before coming to Hollywood. It turns out that his lifelong dream was being a doctor. And he loves kittens. James smiled at this thought. He too loved kittens; they were so cute and innocent. Logan continued his story when James saw two beautiful girls in bikinis walk by. They waved at him flirtatiously, waiting for him to return the waved. But James didn't have the urge to acknowledge them, not now. He thought it would be rude to Logan. So he continued hearing his story, which with every minute fascinated him more and more.

"Hey, James, you do know that those girls were checking you out, right?" Carlos asked. James looked at Carlos with confusion.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention." James honestly said. But what really crossed his mind was why he didn't notice. He usually eats at the attention, now, he wanted to give it to Logan. It played in his mind for some time, but only for a moment, because then they all went upstairs.

"Hey," Kendall called to the group. "How about we let Logan stay with us? I mean, if it's ok with you?"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot! I would love to!" Logan cried out excitedly. Carlos smiled at the idea of Logan staying with them. Logan was a really cool guy, and he seemed so smart!

James smiled too; he knew that he and Logan would become great friends. The group walked into the apartment to be met with Kendall's little sister, Katie. She was on the couch watching TV with her mother, Jen. Kendall was the first in the apartment and he loudly greeted Logan. Jen and Katie turned to Logan with smiles on their faces.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Jen Knight, but please call me Mama Knight. And this is my 11 year old, Katie." Katie smiled up at the awkward boy, who returned the favor. Logan then turned to the other boys and smiled shyly.

"Where do I put my stuff?" he asked.

"Oh, well since me and Carlos already share a room, you can bunk with James." Kendall informed. Suddenly, James smiled widened, making all his teeth shown. He quickly noticed this, and then pierced his lips shut. The other guys looked at James weirdly, but shook it off as if it was nothing. James sigh a sign of relief.

"You okay, James?" Carlos asked.

"Oh, sorry, I thought I had something in my teeth." James then played with his tongue to pretend like he was getting something out. Then made a triumphant smiled with his next sentence. "There, got it out."

"Ok, bud." Carlos smiled widely, and then hit his friend playfully on the back. James didn't know what was going on with him today, but he decided to dismiss it.

"Hey, Logan, I'll show you our room." James smiled charismatically.

"Thanks James." Logan smiled, and then followed James to the farthermost room in the hallway. "Wow, this is much bigger than my old room back home." Logan wondered to himself.

"Ah, it's nothing; you get use to the size." James basked in the glory, as if he was the room itself.

"Well, I grew up in a small house, barely surviving. So this apartment is like a paradise to me!" James smiled softly; he didn't realize how hard Logan had it.

"It's ok," was all James could say, he usually wasn't good at making people feel better.

"I know, I just wish I could have made a better life for my siblings back home." Logan began to search the floor, and then he finally looked up at James. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh, right here," James then lead Logan a little farther into their room and pointed to a door in the far corner.

"Oh my God, your bathroom is in your room?" Logan called in amazement.

"Yep, if you need anything, just call for one of us, we are right here." James then went to place an encouraging hand on Logan shoulder, but when his fingers touched Logan skin slightly, James heart sped up. Scared by this sudden change, James pulled his hand back aggressively. Logan gave him a weird look, and continued to the bathroom.

"Thanks." Logan said as his body was engulfed into the room. James looked down at his hand for a moment; he could still feel the tingling at his fingertips. _What's happening to me?_ He thought. He went to walk out of his room when he heard Logan calling him. James turned around confused and walked to the bathroom door.

"Hey," James answered, "You calling me?"

"Yeah, I had to hop into a shower and I forgot a towel, do you mind getting on for me?"

"Sure, no prob, be right back." James went to the closet where they keep the towels and grabbed one for Logan. When James got back, he was confused on how to give Logan the towel. "Hey, can you just stick your hand out for me please? I have a towel here."

"Um, bring it in. my hands are sort of full." James was slightly taken aback by this statement.

"Dude, aren't you naked?"

"No! I wouldn't let you come in here if I was naked! I'm covered I swear, it's just… I can't get to the door."

James wasn't so smart to realize that the bathroom was very small, but trying to be a good friend, he opens the door slowly and stuffed his hand in the doorway. "Here, take it from my hands!" James called into the room. His head remained outside of the bathroom though.

"Your arm isn't long enough dude!" Logan strained to reach.

"Fine, I'm coming in! But so help you God if you are naked, I'm going to kill you!"

"Dude, I'm not gay!" Logan swore. James slowly let his head come into the room. His eyes were closed, however, and he was bumping into the sink.

"Here, take it!" James screamed.

"Ok," Logan reached. "Got it! Thanks dude!"

"No problem." James' eyes were still closed. But he went to go scratch them and they opened slightly. The vision was blurry, but he could see a figure standing in front of him, which he immediately thought as Logan. But when his vision cleared, he saw Logan standing in front of him, shirtless. James held his breath as if he was underwater and ran out of the room.

James ran into the kitchen where he saw Mama Knight, Katie, Carlos, and Kendall looking at him strangely. James decided on NOT telling them about what just happened. Little did he know, that wasn't going to be the only secret he will be keeping.


	3. Chapter 3

**HEEY! THE REST OF THE STORY IS GOING TO BE IN 1****ST**** PERSON (IN JAMES' POV, MOSTLY, UNLESS TOLD OTHERWISE)! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THISS! HERE IS THE 3****RD**** CHAPTERR!**

James POV:

I'm still so confused with everything. Why would Logan make me go into the bathroom with him when he was half naked? I thought about this for sometime, even when I was outside by the Palmwoods pool. I was sitting in a chair next to Carlos, who was next to Logan. Kendall was in pool with Camille and Jo. I couldn't help but notice a blonde hair girl staring at me. I smiled back, giving her a flirtatious look, which made her blush deeply. I smiled at myself, I had the power to woo over any girl I want. I mean, come on, I'm James Diamond for crying out loud!

"Hey James!" Kendall called over to me from the side of the pool. I got up slightly and sifted my body towards him to get closer.

"What?" I asked.

"Go over there and get a date for tonight! What are you waiting for?"

"Uh, I'm sort of out of it today. But I'm going now, see," then I headed over to the pretty girl and started to talk.

"Hello there, you must be new here, because I haven't seen your lovely face around here ever." She blushed deeply and I smiled victoriously.

"Hello there tall, dark, and handsome. Do you have a name?"

"Why, yes. I'm James Diamond, singer in Big Time Rush. And you are?"

"Chloe Parks, actress in the upcoming movie, Contagious." She informed me seductively. I smiled at her, but something else caught my eye, Logan. He just got into the pool and he was, once again, shirtless. I couldn't help but stare at his wet upper body, it was killing me inside that I didn't know what was going on with me. "Hello?" Chloe whined in my face.

"What, I'm sorry. I was watching someone." Which technically wasn't a lie…

"Well, why don't you hit on her instead of wasting _my_ time." And with that, she got up and walked into the lobby. I stood there frozen for a long time. No one, I mean _no one_, has _ever_ turned _me_ down! Carlos and Kendall were confused too. I walked over to them in defeat and all they can do was ask questions.

"What the hell happened? What did she say to you?" Kendall asked. Even the girls were surprised, but clueless Logan was mindless.

"I don't know, she just got pissed off and left!"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing! I looked over to you guys for a second, then she went bulistic and was saying things like, 'Don't waste _my_ time' and 'Why don't you hit on _her_ instead?'"

"Hit on who?" the girl asked in unision.

"You!" I answered, pointing to both of them. They began to fake gag and I gave them daggers.

"Hey!" Logan interrupted us. "What happened? And why are you all freaking out?"

"James got stood up." I face-palmed myself as Carlos stated the obvious.

"So?" and then, everyone, including me, all joined in loud, dramatic gasps. That only made Logan more confused though.

"James has _never_ been stood up, ever." Camille answered. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

"It's not a big deal, there are other girls here. Look at her," Logan then pointed to a petite looking girl with short brown hair. She seems tiny and fragile, but cute. "She's a good one!"

"I don't feel that well anyway, I'm going to go inside." I lied through my teeth. Everyone smiled and waved me off as I walked into the lobby and to the elevator. I was alone in the elevator, which gave me enough time to think. I felt so awkward just moments ago. I'm usually good at getting girls, but this one seemed hard to get. Yeah, she was the one with the problem, not me! I smiled at my reasoning and headed to my room to change into other clothes.

I got out seeing the others in the living room watching T.V. I joined them, standing by the arm of the couch. They were watching a show about ninjas and such. I look over to Carlos and smiled softly, he was so fascinated with what was going on. Then I look over at Kendall, who didn't seem interested, but once I looked towards Logan, I couldn't tear my eyes away. He seemed like a little of both, he was interested, but not showing it. I found myself staring at him for a good 3 minutes, until Kendall waved a hand in my face. I shook out of my fantasy and blushed slightly.

"Dude, are you blushing?" Carlos noticed. He seemed to be very observant lately. I shrugged and shook my head.

"It might be the *** kicking in." again, I lied through my pearly, white teeth. Carlos smiled innocently and returned his attention to the T.V. after a good hour, Kendall went upstairs to change out of his bathing suit, along with Carlos. So that just left me and Logan on the couch, alone.

"Hey," Logan interrupted the silence, "Are you still upset about not getting that girl, Chloe?" I strugged at his comment.

"I don't know, maybe," I said, my head looking at my feet below me.

"Don't be, she's an idiot not to go for you. I mean, come on, look at you!" Logan's hands motioning to myself. "You're a catch!"

"Thanks bud," I said sincerely.

"And if she didn't want to go for you, she must be a lesbian." And my breath stopped completely. I didn't want to go for her… I just lied to them saying she left me, but really, I left her.

"Y—yeah," I stuttered. "You're probably right." And that's when realization hit.

**HEY, SORRY IT WAS SO SHORT… IT'S SORT OF A FILLER FOR WHAT IS TO COME NEXT (INSERT MYSTERIOUS LAUGH)! HONESTLY, I ALREADY HAVE THE ENDING PLANNED OUT! YOU WILL LOVE IT, I PROM—ISE… SOOOO… PLEASE REVIEWW ! I WILL HUG EVERY SINGLE ON OF THOSE WHO DO!**

**:DDDDDD!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'M BACK… SORRY FOR THE LONGISH WAIT! I SERIOUSLY HATE SCHOOL! BUT….. WE ARE LEAVING EARLY TODAY SO … YEAAH !**

**HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTERRR!**

I laid back onto my bed, thinking about what Logan said. _She must be a lesbian…_ it played over and over again. But she didn't do anything, so does that mean she's straight? And _I _left her, does that mean I'm…

No, impossible! I'm James Diamond, every girl in the world loves me! And I love them all back, right?

"Hey," I looked up to see Logan standing at the foot of my bed. "You wanna go out and grab lunch? Kendall and Carlos are at the hockey rink and they didn't want to bother you. But I'm starving and I don't like to eat alone, so…"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Let me just get my jacket." I got up simply and walked over to the closet to look for my lucky jean jacket. But suddenly, I found myself going into the bathroom. I went and started to check my breath, nose, hair, face… everything! It was almost like I wasn't in control of my body, but someone else was pulling the strings. After about 15 minutes, I walked out of the bathroom and out into the living room. Logan was waiting for me impatiently.

"Dude! How long does it take for you to put on a jacket?"

"I couldn't find it," I lied. Logan just shook his head and started to walk out the door, but he stopped midway.

"Is that…" he sniffed, "Cologne?" I turned red.

"Yeah, just in case I see anyone, you know, decent." He believed me, so when he turned around, I released a sign of relief.

We finally got to the diner, where me and Logan got a table by the window. I looked out into the sunset and smiled to myself.

"It's beautiful, huh?" Logan said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, I love sunsets like these. They seem to be millions of different colors, but they all are one."

"When I was little," Logan said, "my mom used to take me to the pier back in Minnesota. We used to sit on the dock and look out into the sunset. I was about 5 at the time, and I turned to her and I remember smiling. She was most defiantly a wonderful woman." Logan looked down at the saltine sitting on the little plate in front of him.

"Was?" I asked curiously.

"She died when I was 10, she had cancer and she wasn't doing well. I remember standing by her bedside, praying."

"For what?" I asked, intrigued by his story.

"Her to die." His statement shocked me a bit.

"You _wanted _her to die?" I asked, the words sounding harsher than I intended.

"I didn't want her to die; I wanted her to not suffer. And that was the only thing I could think of. Because when you die, all pain goes away." His words were strong, almost like there was another superior being talking for him.

"Wow, I'm so sorry." Was all I could say, but he waved away my apology.

"No need to be, it was a long time ago. And I know, she's happy wherever she is." I smiled at his bravery, I know I would never be able to coop with a lose like his. I then found myself placing my hand over his in a comforting way.

"It's ok, you don't need to be strong in front of me." And with that said, I saw a tear stream down his face. He quickly wiped it away so I couldn't see. After we were done eating, I took Logan to a special hide-away only me and the guys knew about. It was a little down from the Hollywood sign and a bit before the ocean. When we got there, Logan was completely in shock.

"This is beautiful, how did you find this?"

"It was a place where we shot some scenes for our music video. We never used the clips, but we always kept the place. I like to come here when I have some unfinished business to take care of." I turned to Logan and smiled. "Maybe you can too."

"What kind of unfinished business?" he asked.

"Telling your mom that you love and miss her. And that you didn't _want_ her to die, but for her to stop suffering."

"I can't, not now."

"Yes you can, she has to know…" he turned to the big oak tree next to us and I could hear his tears trailing down his face.

"Mom, it's me, Logan. I just want you to know that… I miss you so much." He began to sob softly, I turned away so I couldn't feel his pain, but it was heading towards me. "And I want you to know that I love you, and so does Jake and Molly. We all miss you so much." He turned to me, as if asking for permission to be done, I gave him no answer.

"Guess what," he continued talking to the tree, "I'm in a band! Remember when you told me that I should become a singer? Well, here I am, and I have the most amazing friends ever. Including one name James Diamond." Logan then turned to me and smiled. "Without him, I might not be as happy as I am right now. He is defiantly a great guy; I wish you could have gotten to know him."

"Well, I must be going. I love you mom. And when you were dying next to me 6 years ago, I wasn't asking for you to die. I was asking for you to be in peace. And I can see that you are." And with that, Logan walked away from the tree. I turned and ran to catch up to him. But he stopped short and turned around. And I felt an instant connection.

We were so close, only inches apart. Our chest touched at one point and we both didn't met each other's eyes, but when we did, it was shocking.

"Um, I—I think we should get going," I stuttered.

"Yeah, it's getting late," he finished my thought. And with that, we began to walk towards the car and I could have sworn that during the walk, Logan was brushing his hand against mine. And I felt at peace, like Mrs. Mitchell.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days had pasted since Logan and I went to the secret hide-out and him confession to me about his mom. I wasn't going to lie, I still felt some connection between us, but I just didn't know what it was. Maybe I felt sorry for him, or maybe I was trying to be a good friend, I don't know. All I really knew was that Logan was on my mind 24/7.

I was currently at the Palmwoods pool, soaking in some sun, when something blocked my light. I sat up from the chair and opened my eyes, it was that girl, Chloe, from last week. She was giving me a flirty look as I took off my sunglasses and returned the favor.

"Why, hello there Chloe." I greeted.

"Hi, so, I was thinking…" she trailed off, "That I'll give you a second chance."

"A second chance?" why would I need a second chance?

"Yeah, I was thinking after I left last week, that I was unfair to you."

"So… wouldn't I be the one giving you a second cha-" she stuck up a hand to cut me off.

"No, no. Just take it."

"Of course, so, what would you like to do, my lady?"

"Oh, James… how about you meet me at my apartment, 3H, and we go to lunch. How does, 3:00 sound?"

"It sounds lovely, see you then." I flashed her my famous smile, as she walked off. Soon after, Carlos, Kendall, and Logan came walking by. They all gave me smiles, as if they knew what just happened.

"Oooo, looks like James has a date!" Carlos said song-like.

"Stop, it's nothing special. I'm just meeting her up for lunch, that's all."

"Well, she came back! That _has_ to be a good thing." Kendall exclaimed. I smiled at my friends, when Logan's look caught my eye.

"Hey, Logan, you ok?" I asked. He seemed upset, but looked like he was trying to hide it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just, a little out of it, that's all." He wouldn't look me in the eyes, and that upset me. What did I do?

"Yeah, Logan. You seem, out of it." Carlos said, but then, Logan face turned bright red with anger.

"I'm not out of it! I'm VERY happy of James! I'm ECSTATIC, even!" he voice echoed through the pool area, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Oo-k," I said, dragging the word.

"Hey, you guys!" Kendall announced. "I just got a text from Kelly, she wants us in the studio, now!" we didn't hesitate because if we did, we would be dead.

We finally got to Rocque Records where a steaming Gustavo was waiting for us.

"DOGS! GET IN THE STUDIO, NOW!" he pointed to the recording booth, where we would probably be recording a new song. We found out the song is called Paralyzed. I found it catchy, but the others weren't so amused by the screaming Gustavo.

_I try to speak, but girl you got me tongue tied. I try to breathe, but I'm fr-fr-fr-frozen inside._

We continued singing the song, when I began to think about why Logan was so angry before. Right now, he seemed fine, but his face is permanently etched into my brain. I was going to talk to him after the session. I looked over at the guys, when I stopped. All I could hear, then, was Logan's voice. Everything else tuned out, and everything froze. And when my part came, I didn't sing. Gustavo wasn't so thrilled about it, though.

"JAMES! WHY DIDN'T YOU SING?" his face crinkled up to a prune.

"Sorry, I was, distracted." Logan turned to me, as if he knew what I was talking about. I gave him a shy smile, and he smiled back.

After recording the song, we headed back to the Palmwoods, and just in time for my date with Chloe. I was a few minutes late, but she didn't mind when I got there. We walked out into the lobby and I looked over at the guys.

"Hey, will you excuse me for a second?"

"Sure." She seemed a bit annoyed, but I walked away anyway. Kendall and Carlos gave me confused looks, but Logan seemed almost happy.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you going with Chloe?" everyone but Logan asked.

"I'm still going out with her, don't worry. I just wanted to have you guys check me out, for any flaws."

"Ok, spin around." Kendall demanded, and I did. When I faced them again, Carlos gave me a thumbs up and I smiled. Logan still seemed annoyed.

"Hey," I whispered over to Kendall, "Is he ok?"

"I don't know, but don't worry. We will cheer him up!" Kendall whispered back.

"Good," I answered, "Well," I said louder, "I better get going. See you guys later."

I walked over to Chloe and we headed to the diner. I got us both sandwiches and iced tea. And we started talking about random stuff. I soon learned that she was a really cool girl. She loves to fish, loves acting, and absolutely loves dogs. However, she hates monkeys. She didn't tell me why though, but she just does. I then told her some stuff about me and we laughed the whole time. When we got to the car, I turned to her in the passenger seat and smiled.

"Thanks for giving me a second chance." She began to blush.

"No problem, but, I forgot something in the diner."

"Oh, what?"

"This," and she leaned in and clasped her lips to mine. I was shocked at first, but I soon kissed back. But something was wrong here, I didn't feel anything. It was as if it was purely physical and she really didn't like it. but she just kissed me for the sake of doing it. This upset me a bit, because I like to feel something with the girls I kiss.

We pulled away and I smiled at her softly. I didn't want to tell her that I didn't feel anything, but I also didn't want to lie. We finally got to the Palmwoods and I walked her to her apartment. Before she went in, she gave me one more kiss.

"I had fun," she said after she pulled away. "We need to do this again some time."

"Yeah, defiantly." Then, her door was the only thing between us. I started walking to my apartment, when I saw Camille and Logan together. She was acting all flirty and Logan was trying to push her away. But once he caught a glimpse of me, he started "enjoying" the flirting. I smiled at them as I passed by, and then I heard their conversation.

"So, you doing anything next Friday night?" Camille asked.

"No," Logan said, looking back at me. "Not at all."

"Ok, so I was wondering if you would want to go to a party with me. It's my cousins…"

"I would love to." He answered, again, looking at me. I felt like my heart sank deep into my body. He's going to a party, with Camille! I felt the little green monster erupt inside of me.

I walked into the apartment a little angry, but I didn't know why. Logan, however, had a huge smile on his face. Kendall and Carlos were nowhere in sight. I turned to Logan with a pissed off face.

"What is your problem? First you get angry at me for going out with Chloe, now you get a date with Camille?"

"What's wrong with that?" he asked.

"Nothing, I just want to know why you were so upset today. What did I do to make you angry?"

"Now, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"Believe you? Why wouldn't I believe you?"

"It's nothing important. Don't worry about it."

"No, Logan, it is important. To me." He smiled softly and walked towards me. Soon, his arms were wrapped around me in a hug, and I felt the connection strengthen. It was defiantly there, I just didn't know why. But all I knew was that I like the feeling of being in Logan's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that day, all I could think about was Logan. Why would he be so upset with me going out with Chloe? I mean, he could _try_ to be happy for me. But, better yet, I shouldn't talk. I got upset at him for making a date with Camille next week. But, hey! He didn't have to rub it in that he got a date!

I hit my head against my molding, something I did when I was frustrated. All these emotions were flying around inside of me, and I didn't know why. I want to say that I liked Chloe, she is a sweet girl. But when we kissed, there was nothing to say "Wow, that was awesome". It was just a kiss, purely physical. There was no connection whatsoever.

But when I just touch Logan, I get these butterflies in my stomach. When he looks at me, I feel invincible, like nothing could hurt me. And when he makes me upset, I go into complete depression. Whenever Logan does anything towards me, it is amplified 100%. It is like I am destined to be with him, and him with me.

Again, I hit my head on the molding. This was driving me crazy, what the hell was wrong with me? So, instead of fighting whatever this is, I decided to go to sleep. And that's where I had the worst dream of my life.

_I was on this cloud-like thing. My feet were exposed and my toes were massaged by the fluffy cloud beneath me. I looked up and around to see if anyone was here, but I was alone. So, like every 18 year old man does when he has a dream about being on a cloud, I started dancing and skipping like a fool. This continued for some time, then I saw someone out in the distance. I squinted towards the figure, and I soon found out it was Logan. And, like any normal friend, I greeted him. So I walked over to him to give him a friendly hug, and he gave one back. But what happened next surprised me._

_I began to lean in, closer to his face. I couldn't see what his expression was because with every inch, my eyes closed. Inside, I was forcing myself to back away, but I was defenseless. So I just went along with it and tried to not get grossed out, but I wasn't. In fact, I enjoyed it. Not only did I enjoy it, I kissed back. Our lips moved as one, and for what seemed like an eternity, we pulled away, a smile forming on both of our faces._

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed as I woke up from the nightmare. Suddenly, Kendall and Carlos came rushing into my room. Logan woke up instantly. I found myself sweating uncontrollably and my hands were clammy.

"Dude, what happened?" Kendall asked worried.

"I had a horrible dream, that's all." I said, breathing heavily.

"Well, next time, try not to wake up the entire apartment." Carlos said, annoyed. Kendall hit him behind the head. "Ow, sorry."

"It's ok," I said, thinking the apology was directed to me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have woke you guys up." I touched my lips softly with my sweaty hands.

"It's ok, bud. Just try to sleep. Everything's ok." Kendall said encouragingly.

"Thanks," and with that, I curled into a ball and tried to go back to sleep. But this time, I had a horrible flashback. Something I wish I should have forgotten.

_I was with a group of my old friends from my neighborhood. This was before I moved to Minnesota to meet Kendall and Carlos. I was in Southern Florida, the air was crisp and warm, the kind of wind I liked. I was about 5 at the time and it was me and my two friends, Jake and Dustin. We were playing catch when we got extremely bored, so we were thinking of another game to play._

"_How about, tag?" Jake suggested, but the rest of us shook our heads no._

"_How about, we race!" I suggested, but it seemed like my other friends were too tired to play that. Then, Dustin's 13 year old sister came outside. Dustin looked up to his older sister and asked what we should play._

"_How about, truth or dare?" she said evilly. _

"_What's that?" us little kids asked in unison._

"_You have to ask someone whether they want to be dared to do something, or if they want to say the complete truth. Us, big kids, play it all the time."_

"_Ok, who wants to start?" Jake asked, and Dustin raised his hand. By this time, Dustin's older sister had left and it was just us three._

"_Dustin, truth or dare?"_

"_Truth," he said wimply. _

"_Is it true that you stole my bike last week?"_

"_Yes." He said, his head shrinking slowly down._

"_Ok, Dustin, ask James." Jake instructed._

"_Ok, truth or dare?" Dustin asked me._

"_Dare," I yelled being the little dare-devil I was._

"_I dare you to…" he started to look around and think of something to make me do. "Kiss Jake!"_

"_What? No! He's a boy!" I protested. Jake was shaking his head along with me. But Dustin wore an evil smile that matched his sister's._

"_You have to, I dared you! Unless you are chicken!" I hated being called a chicken. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. So I stood up with great focus and went over to Jake's side._

"_I'm not a chicken!" I yelled then I crashed my lips onto Jake's. He tried to fight, but he couldn't, I was stronger. And I remember the feeling I had afterwards, it was like everything fit. Did I like Jake? Hell no. But kissing a boy seemed right. And that feeling stayed with me for the rest of my live._

I woke up slowly this time, not wanting my friends to worry about me again. Then, I felt myself being to cry. The memory played over and over in my head for some time before I stood up and walked out of the apartment. I knew what was wrong with me; I was in love with Logan.


	7. Chapter 7

**OOOOO… SHOCKING ENDINGG ! WELL, I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS! THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THERE ARE ONLY 3 MORE CHAPTERS LEFT INCLUDING THIS ONE! AND THE GOOD NEWS IS… I CANT TELL YOU :D ! YOU WILL FIND OUT SOON!**

I began to pace back and forth in my room. It was the middle of the night still and I was freaking out. _I'm in love with Logan_, there's no changing it. But there is so many things I have to do first, like break up with Chloe. She'd understand, right? What am I thinking? She'll kill me! I already blew it the first time because of Logan, now I'm ending it because of Logan. So I decided to wait on that option.

Then there's Kendall and Carlos. They have been my best friends for as long as I could remember, I have to tell them. But, then again, what if they reject me? What if they think I'm some sort of alien-like thing? Ok, the "alien-like thing" is a little too much, but you never know!

Then there's the biggest thing of all, Logan. Do I tell him, or do I just let my heart ache every single day? This is so hard; I have never had to go through something like this before. I played with my hands rapidly, something I do when I'm nervous. I looked over at a peacefully sleeping Logan, he looked so beautiful. It really hurt me that he can never feel the same way about me. He is just so perfect, and I'm just, me.

Yes, I said it! I'm just me! There's nothing special about me, I admit it! But there's something special about Logan, it's as if he can make you smile even when everything is falling apart. He can make everything feel safe in the hardest time. And when he looks at me, I feel like there's nothing holding me back.

I tore my eyes away from the sleeping Logan, feeling the tears form in my eyes. I couldn't do this, this can't be happening. I can't be in love with him, it's wrong! But why does it feel so right? Stop this! You can't, there's nothing between you two, and there will never be anything! He's dating Camille, and he really likes her. That's when I remembered, their date was tonight at 8. I felt my heart sink slowly into my chest.

This is the reason I could never be with him. He is strong and I'm so weak. I turned to look at the clock and I noticed that 3 hours had flown by. It was now 6:00 and the guys usually get up at this time to meet Gustavo. I heard a bunch of alarm clock begin to ring, including mine. I ran into my bed and faked that I was sleeping the whole time. I saw Logan get up and hit his alarm clock until it was silent. He came walking over to me and began hitting my arm. I threw up a hand in his face to stop him, but that wasn't enough.

"Come on, James! Get up!" he said, hitting my arm repeatedly. I felt butterflies erupt every time his hand met with my skin.

"No!" I fought back, not wanting to get up.

"Ok, you leave me no choice." Then I didn't see him for a moment, but I felt a body jump on top of me. "GET UP!"

"No!" I argued, not wanting this moment to end. His chest was flat against my back, his head resting in the space of my neck.

"Come on dude, I don't want to go to the studio either, but we have to. Gustavo isn't going to be happy if we are late." He said, his breath touching my neck, sending chills down my spine.

"Dude, listen, I'm exhausted." I wasn't lying, I was up all night. I only slept for 3 hours! I have every right to be cranky and tired and want to sleep more.

"So am I, now lets go!" he got up and lend me a hand to get up. I gladly accepted it as he pulled me out of the bed. I jumped up and landed right above his nose. He looked down at our hands, which were still interlocked with one another. I followed his eyes and then looked back at him. I saw his cheeks turn a shade of red, wait… what? _He's blushing_. I smiled at him and he smiled back. We both looked back down at our hands and pulled away fast. I then began to scratch the back of my head as he did the same.

"So, um…" he stuttered.

"Yeah, so…" I stuttered. He looked at me and smiled.

"Why you smiling?" I asked stupidly. His face turned as red as a tomato.

"Nothing, just, nothing."

"Ok, well, let's get outside so the other guys know we are awake." I said, embarrassed for asking such a retarded question.

"Yeah, let's." I opened the door and let Logan go out first.

"Ladies first." I joked, and he punched me in the arm. I faked cried and walked out of the room behind him.

After breakfast, we went to the studio and began recording some new songs. This one is called 'Music Sounds Better With You'. I really liked it and so did the others. After singing the song repeatedly, we went home. On the drive home, I looked out of the passengers window, daydreaming about Logan. I was also thinking about whether or not to tell Kendall and Carlos. I was leaning towards telling them, but there was something drawing me back, rejection.

"Hey," Carlos said to me, waking me up. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just super tired." I said sheepishly.

"Ok," a non-believing Carlos said. I faked a smile and turned back to the window.

We got back to the Palmwoods within a few minutes. I looked over at Kendall and Carlos and finally made my decision. When we walked into the lobby, a happy Camille jumped on top of Logan, almost knocking him over. I jealousy grew with ever look, I decided to turn away in a huff and go to the room. I walked into the apartment and plopped into the couch. Kendall, Carlos and Logan came in after a few minutes. They were looking at me strangely, but I didn't care, I was pissed.

"Dude, you ok?" Kendall asked concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not?" I said with anger.

"Well, you're talking like that." Carlos pointed out. I sucked in my lips in embarrassment.

"Is there something wrong?" Logan asked. I felt like I wanted to tell them all about what I discovered last night, but the strength wasn't there. I was too weak.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm just tired, ok?" I said, and watch as their heads all nodded in unison. I huffed and turned my attention to a blank T.V. We all hear a knock on the door and Logan went to go answer it. I turned to face the door to see Camille standing there with Jo.

"Hey, you ready for tonight?" Camille asked Logan.

"Yeah, what time should I meet you?" he asked calmly, as if he wasn't dying inside like me.

"7:30." I heard Camille say, I instantly looked over at the digital clock which read 6:45. I saw Logan look at the clock too.

"Ok, I'll see you there." He smiled, his dimples showing. Damn, I'm killing myself here!

"Great!" Camille said. She turned to Jo and frowned. "I wish you can come."

"Sorry, the director wants me to cover some stuff for the new episode this week. You know I would have loved to go." Jo complained. She then turned to Kendall. "You're going to the party?"

"Ehh, probably not. I can't party without you!" Jo smiled at Kendall's answer and kissed him softly on the lips. I rolled my eyes and continued to focus on the dark screen. The girls finally left and Logan ran into his room to get ready. Kendall and Carlos joined me on the couch.

"You sure nothing's wrong?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I said, not looking into his eyes.

"Yeah!" we here Logan call us, "How do I look?" the three of us turned around, but I swear I was the only on with him. It felt like just the two of us, and he was the one in the tux. Well, it wasn't a formal tux, the tie was loose and the shirt was unbuttoned at the top, but it was still beautiful. I felt like I was staring for a long time, I just couldn't get over how handsome he looked.

"You look great!" I blurted out, instantly sucking in my lips after saying it.

"You think so?" Logan asked me. I smiled softly.

"Yeah, I do." Logan's grin grew double in size. Kendall gave some encouraging words to him before he left. Logan finally left and it was just me and the guys. I felt the urge to jump up and tell them the truth, now that Logan was gone. And that's what I did.

"Guys, I have to tell you something." They both turned to me in shock.

"What is it James?" Kendall asked.

"I haven't been that truthful to you guys for some time. But that's going to change. There's something I haven't told you about myself, something I've known for a long time."

"What is it?" Carlos asked, scared to hear the truth.

"I'm—." I started, but I lost the strength to finish. But I mustered up all the power and strength within me to finish the sentence. "gay."

"You're what?" they asked in unison. I couldn't believe it, they hated me. I plopped back onto the couch hysterical crying.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you! I knew you would hate me if you knew the truth." I cried hard, and then I hear footsteps come closer to me. Before I knew it, Kendall and Carlos had their arms wrapped around me supportingly.

"James, we could _never_ hate you, gay or not. You are amazing just the way you are." Kendall spoke encouragingly.

"Yeah dude, we don't care if you're gay or not. You are still our best friend and we love you." Carlos said, I cried harder, but not because I was sad. I cried harder because I knew that my friends well always be there for me no matter what.

"So, who is the luck guy?" Kendall asked. "You dating him secretly?"

"Ohh! Forbidden love!" Carlos called out; I laughed at both of them, then dropped my head to the ground and mustered out a whisper.

"Logan."

"Really?" Kendall asked. "You like him?"

"No, I don't." I said matter a factly. The guys looked at me confused. And I began to explain my loophole. "I love him."

"You love him?" Carlos asked shocked as heck.

"Yes, anything else you would like to ask?" I asked getting annoyed. "Like, if I was born or hatched? Or, if I'm some sort of alien from another planet?"

"Whoa, calm down, we don't think anything like that, don't we Carlos?" Kendall said.

"Heck no!"

"Sorry for flipping out like that." I apologized.

"No need to apologize, you're going through a tough time, we understand." Carlos said.

"But we want to know something. Why did you let Logan go if you love him?" Kendall asked.

"Because there's no hope for me. He will never like me, he already likes Camille."

"Well, you never know. Have you told him that you like him?" Kendall asked.

"Well, no."

"Has he told you?"

"No! And he never will!" I protested.

"You don't know! Now, let's go." Kendall and Carlos began to get up off the couch.

"Where are we going?" I asked, getting up with them.

"Well, _you _are going to go change into something nice and _we_ are going to go to Camille's party."

"What, no! I won't go!" I protested.

"Do you want to tell Logan you love him?"

"NO!" I yelled.

"Ok, let me rephrase that. Do you love him?" Kendall asked.

"Yes," I answered simply.

"Do you care about him?"

"Yes, with everything in me. But I still can't tell him that I love him!" Kendall shook his head and signed.

"What do I always say?"

"That Gustavo needs to take a bunch of chill pills?" I asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

"No, the other thing!"

"Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime." Carlos answered.

"Exactly," he said, directly to Carlos. "And an opportunity at love applies to it too. And you need to grab onto it and go at it _big time_."

"Come on James, you need to be strong!" Carlos said.

"It's so hard to be strong once you lost every bit of strength."

"Ok, enough of the bull shit! You are coming with us to the party and you are going to talk to him!"

I couldn't argue with them anymore, so I just gave up. I went into my room followed by Kendall and Carlos and they went through my closet looking for something nice. They finally found a plaid button down and a pair of jeans. They did my hair and cleaned my face up and before we knew it, we were outside of the party. I felt the butterflies go crazy in my stomach, but something about tonight made me smile. Something good is going to happen, I just know it.


	8. Chapter 8

**HERE IS THE AMAZINGLY LONG WAITED CHAPTER! HERE IS HOW IT'S GOING TO GO… THE SONG USED IS UNBROKEN BY DEMI LOVATO, AND LET ME WARN YOU FIRST… I DON'T THINK THIS SONG I A "COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET" SONG, BUT I DO THINK THAT IT'S A SONG ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR HEART AND BEING STRONG. **

**SO, ON THAT NOTE, I SUGGEST YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING THE CHAPTER… IT MAKES IT MORE INTENSE! TRUST ME, I LISTENED TO IT WHILE WRITING IT AND IT'S SO INTENSE, I CRIED ! THE PARTS OF THE SONG GO ALONG WITH EACH PARAGRAPH, SO, THE LYRICS GO WITH THE PARA. THAT'S **_**BELOW**_** THEM. EXCEPT THE LAST SET OF LYRICS, WHICH IS LIKE A CONCLUSION TO THE CHAPTER! **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEWW! IT WILL MAKE ME SMILEE :DDD**

We finally got to the party and I was shaking so hard. Kendall put a supporting hand on my shoulder and looked behind me to see his face. He nodded softly as if he was telling me to do it, to tell Logan how I feel about him. I wobbled a little farther, but I choked, and I ran into Carlos' and Kendall's chest. They looked at me with stern looks. Then they simultaneously pointed in the direction of Logan. I signed and walked over to a crowd of people.

I had to tell him I feel, but it was so hard. He is so perfect, and I'm just, James. The confused guy who just wants love, and from Logan.

_Locked up tight  
>Like I would never feel again<br>Stuck in some kind of love prison  
>And threw away the key, oh, oh<br>Terrified until I stared into your eyes  
>Made me stop to realize<br>The possibilities  
>So, so<em> 

I continued my walk when I heard a song start to play. It had a great beat, and it made me stop where I was for a moment. Then I heard the lyrics, and as if they were speaking to me, they motivated me to walk faster towards him.

_I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken  
>I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken<br>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go, go  
>I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken<br>I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving  
>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go<br>_

My pace quickened as I looked around for Logan. _Where could he be?_ I asked myself. I knew he couldn't be far, he was here. Then it hit me, he was with Camille. I felt myself shatter inside, but the song playing, it gave me hope. _He's probably by himself_, which would be ten times better.

_So played out  
>The same lies with a different face<br>But there's something in the words you say  
>That makes you all feel so real<em>

The song continued, and I felt my spirits lift. I then felt the courage to push everyone towards the floor. They all gave me nasty looks, but I didn't care. I was about to profess my love to the guy I really liked, and they couldn't stop me.

_I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken  
>I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken<br>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go, go  
>I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken<br>I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving  
>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go<em>

I looked back towards Kendall and Carlos asking them with my eyes to help me. The shook their heads no and motioned their hands further. I signed once again and continued to walk into the crazy, dancing crowd. The song kept my hopes high and made me feel like I could do this.

_I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken  
>I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken<br>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go, go  
>I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken<br>I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving  
>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go<br>_

Suddenly, everything was in slow motion. I saw Logan and Camille at the far end of the room, and they seemed to be talking. I took a deep breath and walked faster to them. Everything, still in slow motion, seemed to blur out of my vision. All I could see was Logan. I then felt this strength, something I haven't felt in so long. The sensation made me feel like I was in control of my life, and I had to go at this with no regrets. I have to make him _feel_ what I felt for a almost 3 months.

_No need for me to run, run, run  
>You're making me believe in everything<br>No need to go and hide, hide, hide  
>Gonna give you every little piece of me<br>_

I continued my walk towards him, every inch closer I felt sparks erupt inside of me. I finally got to him and I didn't even say hello. I just pushed Camille out of the way and looked at an extremely confused Logan. And, without thought, I placed my hands on the sides of his face and pulled him closer. Within a few seconds, his lips were attached with mine.

_I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken  
>I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken<br>_

He seemed confused at first, so was I. I have never felt that urge before, the urge for affection. But what he did shock me the most, he kissed back. We finally pulled apart and I gave him a confused look, as if _he _was the one who kissed me.

"Wait, you kissed back." I said.

"Well, yeah." He simply said, and I gave him a sideways look. "Why wouldn't I kiss back to the guy I like?"

"Wait, you like me?" I asked, hope dripping from each word.

"Yeah, I've liked you since I first met you. You think I just do the things I did to you to anyone?"

"Wait, but what about Camille?" I pointed to an angry Camille.

"She's sweet, and nice," he said more to her, "But that doesn't mean I can't love you."

"You love me?" Kendall and Carlos joined us at this point with smiles on their faces.

"Yes! How many times do I have to say it?"

"Enough for me to be happy."

"I love you, are you happy yet?" he joked. I laughed softly and leant in to kiss him again. I saw Kendall and Carlos behind Logan giving me thumbs up. I smiled and kissed Logan back, like he did for me. And for the first time in a while, I was happy. I knew what I was and instead of being lost and confused, I was strong and confident, and I now know that I am loved. You see, the difference between getting girls and falling in love is one is for selfish reasons. You can get millions of girls with the snap of a finger, but you can only find one soul mate. And I have found him.

_I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken  
>I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken<br>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, I'm letting go, go  
>I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken<br>I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving  
>Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go, go<em>


	9. A Sequel Coming Soon !

**Hey, so I just wanted to tell everyone that this story has come to an end… but…**

**There is going to be a sequel "Dealt Cards" and its coming soon ! I just didn't want to add chapters to the end of this! But the sequel is coming soon !**


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